Random thoughts

I haven't blogged in such a long time! There has been a lot of times when I'd have loads of ideas to write about, but once I get home, I'm just too tired to do it. So I'll just do a random entry right now and just say whatever pops into this li'l mind of mine.

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I USED TO THINK that growing up isn't necessarily something you feel, just something you go through without realizing it. But I've completely changed my mind. It's something I feel in my thoughts, based on how I react, how I perceive something, and how I decide. Or maybe its really more of the tension involved in thinking and deciding. This strange friction in my thought process is my own indicator of growing up. Not the physical circumstances or environment (ehem, joining the corporate bandwagon!), but really, what goes on in my thoughts. It's tough. It may seem like the most natural thing in the world, but it's tough. Indeedy.

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WHAT KILLS ME THE MOST is that a lot of my friends are enjoying their jobs, and well, I'm not. It just feels so wrong. And as much I'm trying to transcend all the circumstances and be mature about the whole thing, it's just really difficult. I'm still holding on to the idea that there is a purpose for my being there. That I'm always at the right place at the right time has been a theme to my prayers lately. I took this job because I knew it would enhance an aspect of my character and personality that I really wanted to develop. Well, it turns out that it is fine tuning my character more than I ever dreamed of. It's really challenging, and I used to see it frequently as a setback, but now, I see that I have to think of it as an opportunity. I no longer want to be sucked into the negativity  because it's just so draining. It's exhausting and I feel so heavy and unhappy at the end of the day. I don't deserve that. I recently read something like, 10% of our life is the circumstances, and 90% is what we do about them.

I figure, if I want to be happy, I have to have the right attitude for it. Funny, I was browsing through some of the books in Powerbooks last Friday because I was looking for something to give my best friend, and the very page I opened to had this heading: train yourself to see the good.

I'd really like to do that.

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GOOD CONVERSATIONS don't come by often. I really miss them. I guess this is why reunions with old friends are always so refreshing. My get togethers with my high school friends, for instance, is something I always look forward to. Every moment just becomes a lot more meaningful. It's true when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It really is difficult to find friends you will connect with at the deepest level possible. If you ask me, I could probably count with less than 10 fingers the friends that I would consider my "3AM People". I'm a 3AM friend to maybe a couple of them, and I'm willing to be the 3AM friend of some who may not realize it.

How friendships grow is still a big mystery to me. But I know I don't have to study it because it already leaves me completely fascinated.

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MOMENTS I WISH TO FREEZE come by so seldom. I had one just recently, and it was worth the wait. It's not a big deal at all, but in my mind's eye, it was just completely amazing.

I want more moments like that.