Absence makes the heart grow fonder
I can still remember how thrilled I was at the prospect of returning home after graduation last year. After four years of cleaning up after ourselves, we were finally gonna return home for good. Home wasn't just gonna be a weekend pit stop. The idea of having warm and home-cooked meals (that were actually freshly cooked and not nuked!), household help to clean up a bit of my mess, and sleeping in my bed every night was just great. Now, I realize that I miss my semi-independence. It was less complicated. There was a lot more freedom. I was disciplined enough to wake up to my own alarm. There was more responsibility. And most importantly, I had my space.
Oh don't get me wrong, I still have my space at home. My family respects my privacy. But I realize now that I was a lot closer to my folks, and a lot more open to them back when I was still living away from them. It was always nice to interact with them in the flesh after only talking to them over the phone. Hence, I ended up sharing a lot more. There was also the thought that we'd only have to "live together" for two and a half days. So me, my family, and everything I said only had to stay under the same roof for two and a half days. Credit to my commitment phobe, but that idea always brought me closure. Opening up was just a lot more natural. It wasn't forced.
Sigh. Living in the condo has spoiled me.
As much as I really love living with my family, I have this need for detachment also. I realize now how much I value my own space and my privacy. I think this is why I have more severe "withdrawal" these days. It's just my "shutdown" phase where I really don't feel like talking much. I realize that I like being missed and missing others. I do miss the quality of interaction I had with my folks back then. My mom and I even had our Friday afternoon date. Now, with everything going on, starting out a "professional life", the air is just a lot more tense, and I find myself looking for excuses not to engage in serious conversation.
* * *
Having the Internet makes it so much easier to keep in touch these days. I needed to set another kind of filter for determining who are "solely Internet buddies," and who are buddies-that-I-use-the-Internet-to-keep-in-touch-with (very thin line though). And I have finally discovered my filter--it depends on how the conversation is started.
I realized this when some two weeks ago, my college friend Anna just suddenly, out of the blue, IMed me about an elephant. It was a fill-in-the-blanks question: the ____________ elephant was in the room (???) something like that (to be honest I even forgot the answer). It's always really amusing to receive these strange messages. To me, it's an indicator of how comfortable we are with each other. If we can start a conversation without going through the "hi-hello-how are you-i'm-okay" process, then I know we're good. =)
Oh don't get me wrong, I still have my space at home. My family respects my privacy. But I realize now that I was a lot closer to my folks, and a lot more open to them back when I was still living away from them. It was always nice to interact with them in the flesh after only talking to them over the phone. Hence, I ended up sharing a lot more. There was also the thought that we'd only have to "live together" for two and a half days. So me, my family, and everything I said only had to stay under the same roof for two and a half days. Credit to my commitment phobe, but that idea always brought me closure. Opening up was just a lot more natural. It wasn't forced.
Sigh. Living in the condo has spoiled me.
As much as I really love living with my family, I have this need for detachment also. I realize now how much I value my own space and my privacy. I think this is why I have more severe "withdrawal" these days. It's just my "shutdown" phase where I really don't feel like talking much. I realize that I like being missed and missing others. I do miss the quality of interaction I had with my folks back then. My mom and I even had our Friday afternoon date. Now, with everything going on, starting out a "professional life", the air is just a lot more tense, and I find myself looking for excuses not to engage in serious conversation.
* * *
Having the Internet makes it so much easier to keep in touch these days. I needed to set another kind of filter for determining who are "solely Internet buddies," and who are buddies-that-I-use-the-Internet-to-keep-in-touch-with (very thin line though). And I have finally discovered my filter--it depends on how the conversation is started.
I realized this when some two weeks ago, my college friend Anna just suddenly, out of the blue, IMed me about an elephant. It was a fill-in-the-blanks question: the ____________ elephant was in the room (???) something like that (to be honest I even forgot the answer). It's always really amusing to receive these strange messages. To me, it's an indicator of how comfortable we are with each other. If we can start a conversation without going through the "hi-hello-how are you-i'm-okay" process, then I know we're good. =)
hugs, 
@ 10:17 AM
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