the first of august

The moments creep up to me unexpectedly, and in those quiet minutes full of chaos, I tremble in secret.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song

If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,

Threatening the life it belongs to

And that is precisely why I haven't written about it. I've been blocking off setting all my feelings on ink because it would somehow feel more real. There would be a sense of finality to it, not in terms of an end, but in terms of an absolute eventuality to it. It isn't as if avoiding it would make it less real than it is. It's not going to disappear, but there is that sort of comfort that comes with being in denial.

As of today, I am only two days shy of turning 22, and seventeen days away from flying off to the States. I am going to miss my life here so much! Sure, I'm looking forward to my next adventure! My first solo plane ride, lugging my wheelies by myself, doing my own laundry (aghast!). The list goes on. I am absolutely excited. I have been preparing for this event since April, but now that the day is coming closer, I just want to freeze time and lengthen it, and freeze it all over again.

Sigh. I am going to miss all my friends and family here. Don't even get me started on Christmas. I can't imagine not going into an SM or a National Bookstore on the first of September and not hear some cheesy version of Jingle Bells. I was shuffling my iPod library the other day and heard "Bells Will Be Ringing", and really, I was almost brought to tears. How do you just temporarily suspend normal life and live differently for a while?