The beauty of waiting and sitting still

I used to think that waiting is for wusses who needed a convenient excuse to sit around and not do anything. The total opposite of being proactive, in short. I should know. I held this against myself for quite some time now. It's tough not to have the answers right away. But they come. Eventually. It may take a while, but it does. And if it seems like the answers just wouldn't come, sometimes all it really takes is a little honesty with ourselves. More often than not, much of the escaping that we do are simply those from the truth.

That would be incredibly ironic, no? Incredibly ridiculous also. Surely, anyone with the proper sensibilities would do no such thing. This, however, would discount the fact that even people with proper sensibilities have fears too. There is the fear of failure, rejection, or just simply finding out that he isn't good enough.

Then again, people with proper sensibilities must have some idea that not even trying is a helluva lot worse.

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked.

The beauty of waiting. It's incredible, the way things are rushed these days. Fast-paced isn't only meant for work. It's meant for food, lifestyles, and relationships. The world, at least, the non-European world, has converted itself to a giant Instanoodle. Is it difficult to keep up? Not really. But sometimes, don't you just wish that the world would slow down? I do. A lot of times, actually. There's just very little time for feeling, for really being there at the moment when it happens. Whatever it is. Because really, the moment you open your eyes, or even realize that a moment is being made, it has long gone. And I've realized that personally, I've come to realize the "feelings" either in hindsight (as in most cases), or when everything is just flowing slowly. But the flipside of our Instanoodle world, I guess, is that waiting for all those moments become a lot more meaningful.

It isn't fun to wait. But it makes all the fleeting non-moment moments all worthwhile. As for the rest of the world, well, try sitting still sometimes. It kind of brings you back, and gives you a sense of the important stuff. Some might say that that isn't living. It's hard to live sans the adrenaline rush and endorphins these days. But really, living affords us a free pass to self-indulgence every now and then.

Kate Winslet's monologue in The Holiday

(Taken from IMDB)

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

I can still remember how thrilled I was at the prospect of returning home after graduation last year. After four years of cleaning up after ourselves, we were finally gonna return home for good. Home wasn't just gonna be a weekend pit stop. The idea of having warm and home-cooked meals (that were actually freshly cooked and not nuked!), household help to clean up a bit of my mess, and sleeping in my bed every night was just great. Now, I realize that I miss my semi-independence. It was less complicated. There was a lot more freedom. I was disciplined enough to wake up to my own alarm. There was more responsibility. And most importantly, I had my space.

Oh don't get me wrong, I still have my space at home. My family respects my privacy. But I realize now that I was a lot closer to my folks, and a lot more open to them back when I was still living away from them. It was always nice to interact with them in the flesh after only talking to them over the phone. Hence, I ended up sharing a lot more. There was also the thought that we'd only have to "live together" for two and a half days. So me, my family, and everything I said only had to stay under the same roof for two and a half days. Credit to my commitment phobe, but that idea always brought me closure. Opening up was just a lot more natural. It wasn't forced.

Sigh. Living in the condo has spoiled me.

As much as I really love living with my family, I have this need for detachment also. I realize now how much I value my own space and my privacy. I think this is why I have more severe "withdrawal" these days. It's just my "shutdown" phase where I really don't feel like talking much. I realize that I like being missed and missing others. I do miss the quality of interaction I had with my folks back then. My mom and I even had our Friday afternoon date. Now, with everything going on, starting out a "professional life", the air is just a lot more tense, and I find myself looking for excuses not to engage in serious conversation.

* * *

Having the Internet makes it so much easier to keep in touch these days. I needed to set another kind of filter for determining who are "solely Internet buddies," and who are buddies-that-I-use-the-Internet-to-keep-in-touch-with (very thin line though). And I have finally discovered my filter--it depends on how the conversation is started.

I realized this when some two weeks ago, my college friend Anna just suddenly, out of the blue, IMed me about an elephant. It was a fill-in-the-blanks question: the ____________ elephant was in the room (???) something like that (to be honest I even forgot the answer). It's always really amusing to receive these strange messages. To me, it's an indicator of how comfortable we are with each other. If we can start a conversation without going through the "hi-hello-how are you-i'm-okay" process, then I know we're good. =)

Acting on civic responsibility

The Senate Elections are coming up and every vote counts! And to make every vote count, all voters should do whatever they can to educate themselves about the candidates and what these candidates plan to do for our country. In line with this, Char and I have decided to embark on a project that will properly document each candidate’s profile. We have to help each other make an informed decision. We owe it to our country and we owe it to ourselves. But we can’t do it alone, and we need all the help we can get (the last count documented 80 senatorial candidates)! So if you are:

1. Acquainted with both Camille Carandang and Charisse Tan,
2. Civic-oriented, politically-oriented, and with a love and concern for humanity,
3. Research-Oriented,
4. Hard-working, and
5. Updated with local news,

Please contact either one of us. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! =)

One hope. One vision. One nation.

So goes the tagline for the "Richard Gomez for Belo" (not the official title) billboard along EDSA. The controversial piece caused media speculation about Gomez's intent for filing candidacy for the coming May elections. Well, he did file his COC (Certificate of Candidacy) for Senate.

I know. Not another artista legislating our laws.

But oh, you should have seen him bidding farewell in "S-Files" last Sunday. So easy to be spellbound as he made his speech about his intentions. The camera even gave him an extreme close up, so it's pretty hard not to notice him. I was trying not to listen to him and focus on his facial expression, trying to catch the insincerity that has always kind of existed with these wannabe public "servants". The question of who they're serving, of course, has always been a huge question mark.

Anyway, back to the billboard.

The first time I saw this billboard was on television. Again, during the media speculation before Gomez declared on air his intent to run for Senate. I did finally see it on one of those days that I rarely pass through EDSA, or at least, the part of EDSA that goes beyond Ayala. It's a pretty standard-sized billboard with Gomez's headshot. It looked pretty much like a photo for a Canadian Visa application. His facial expression was of stark seriousness, screaming "I mean business". It had a midnight blue background, and the tagline "ONE HOPE. ONE VISION. ONE NATION." was printed on the bottom lefthand corner, written in serif font. Of course, the Belo logo was present on the upper lefthand corner.

The strange thing about this billboard is that the whole thing just doesn't match Belo's brand image at all (quite obvious to all who live here). For the sake of my friends who are living abroad, the Belo Medical Group specializes in cosmetic surgery. "I'd like to thank Vicky Belo" has been quite an ubiquitous sentence among the local celebrities. So unless Belo is trying to portray that our hope as a nation is to look beautiful through cosmetic surgery, this tagline has no business being associated in whatever ad campaign they're doing. And although I know Filipinos are generally concerned about hygiene, proper grooming, and public appearances, I don't think that it is the concern to look physically gorgeous (I won't say beautiful because really, beauty is a wholistic thing) that will ultimately serve as our countrymen's unifying factor. I for one, do not share in this kind of hope or vision for the nation. Sure, I hope for a beautiful country, but I don't envision that kind of beauty to be coming from enhanced physical appearances.

Maybe it's Gomez's platform. Who knows. He certainly missed out explaining that **really** important part during his speech last Sunday. Because clearly, that's what it all boils down to anyway. What are you going to do? and What do you hope to accomplish? are sadly questions that not everyone considers. Hence, not all candidates bother giving answers.

It seems like this post has no unified point, and just wants to rant about the billboard. It just crosses the line. I know politics has been commercialized and "celebretized (celebrity-ized)" for quite a long time now, but this is just not subtle at all. Belo may be a sponsor in Gomez's campaign (of course that occurred to me!), but really, don't associate your brand with political agenda. If you're a sponsor, say so. If I saw that billboard for the first time, I would probably think that Belo is some political agency or Gomez's political party! It's bad politics and it's just bad advertising (and really, it's not like either of them need more advertisements anyway).

Well, I have nothing further to say. With elections just three months away, things are about to get interesting around here. Though not in the way that I'd really hope it to be.

I have to say though, that for a country that is vain to a certain extent (what with all the cosmetic surgery, papaya soaps, whitening solutions, dieting pills, etc), we don't seem to show a lot of concern for our country's physical beauty. There is just something wrong with that picture.

On the side, I am quite pleased that there are a lot of independent candidates. I'm very happy to see that Manny Villar, especially, is running as an independent and is not associating himself with the administration. Good riddance.

A week before valentine's day

Ahhh. It's the love month once again. By the same day next week, it'll be Valentine's day. I'm not particularly feeling the "soonness" of the occassion, but I am kind of looking forward to spending my very first one out of school. The past four years worth of Valentine's day have been about watching the following scenarios:

• Boy and girl walking slowly, hand in hand, girl carrying (and proudly, might I add) a large bouquet of flowers.
  
• Boy fixing his collar, glancing nervously at his watch, carrying flowers, walking to the cafeteria.
  
• Girl giggling with a bunch of friends while carrying an insanely colorful bouquet of flowers.
• Groups of students scurrying around campus making flower deliveries
• Organization representatives trying to get rid of the last of their stocks of flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals, etc.
  

Et cetera. You know the drill.

While I'm not exactly working for a firm that has clear cut policies on office romance, it'll still be interesting to see how the hold Valentine's day scenario unfolds.

The past year has really made me realize that I've got a lot of love in my life. I don't know if it's a result of suddenly "being thrown into the world" and having to go through testing the initial detachment from the people and things that have sort of bounded my life for the past years. It's just nice to know and really feel that there are people you could always fall back on, always talk to about anything, and just be yourself with. And that's just something to celebrate on Valentine's day. Everyday, actually.

Last Christmas (or new year's), I told my friends that they make my life a daily celebration. I meant that. And I still do. :-)

Alphabet Quiz

Pirated from Char

A is for age:
21

B is for book that made you cry:
Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan

C is for career:
Not quite there yet.

D is for your dog’s name:
Kitkat

E is for essential item you use everyday:
Burt's Bees Honey Lip Balm, Body Shop Lip and Cheek Stain, Schneider sign pen, Paper, Workstation

F is for favorite song at the moment:
Songs in my Pocket by Bethany Joy Galeotti

G is for favorite games:
Scrabble, jigsaw puzzles, taboo, frozen t-shirt game (to watch!)

H is for hometown:
Paranaque, Metro Manila, Philippines!

I is for instruments you play:
Piano

J is for favorite juice:
Apple (Treetop and Mott's Light), Orange with no pulp (Florida's Natural)

K is for kids:
Farthest thing from my mind right now.

L is for last hug:
Feb2. My old boss's last day at work. Before parting with Char after enjoying the Siberian winds

M is for malls:
Alabang town center, Glorietta, Greenbelt

N is for name of your love:
I'll keep you posted.

O is for overnight hospital stays:
Never been confined.

P is for phobias:
Deep water, topsy-turvy roller coasters, heights

Q is for quote:
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden path, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." - Emerson

R is for your race:
Filipino

S is for status:
Single

T is for things you like:
bags, nice jeans, VNC shoes, gadgets, Christmas lights, coffee, pointy pens, Rina Albert notebooks, Body Shop products, wallets, Olay Total Effects, books!!!

U is for Useless thing you tend to waste time on:
Does worrying count?

V is for vegetable you love:
broccoli, cabbage (on nilaga), lettuce

W is for worst habit:
Procrastination

X is for x-rays you’ve had:
2 - one for teeth, one for chest

Y is for yummy food you like:
A Lot! Pasta! Tomato-based pasta without seafood, pizza, chocolate, truffles, chocolate chip cookies, gelato, dessert crepes

Z is for Zzzz ~ your ideal bedtime:
11-1130pm for weekdays :-)

Aller et retour

As with every hiatus, there must be a comeback. So here I am. This is probably the shortest blog leave I ever took. I've gone through three blogs already, and consequently, I've gone on temporary MIA status on all of them.

As you've noticed, I don't normally post a Cam-status on my blog. It's not only because (a) nothing particularly interesting and exciting really happens to me and (b) there's really nothing to tell, it's mainly so that people will ask me themselves. I don't like discussing my life "in full everyday detail" in public. I'd rather tell you personally. So if you would like to know what's going on in the non-exciting yet colorful life of mine, you'd have to ask me yourself.

C'mon. It's nice to exert a little effort, just a wee bit more muscle, in keeping touch. Mediated conversations (a.k.a. email/instant messaging) come easy enough.

Hmmm. I don't have anything to say in particular. I just felt that the time to return has come! It's really hard to believe that it's already February. In exactly one month and 18 days, it will be our one-year anniversary as graduates! It creeps me out a bit to know that by next month, we will no longer be the "Fresh Meat" of the real world (though technically, we probably lost that status as soon as 12 midnight struck on January first). What pains me most about this is that it has been one year and I haven't exactly figured out the "grand plan of my life." It is rather unsettling, but I do expect things to just naturally unfold somehow. I mean, it just has to, right?

Gosh, I still remember what February felt like last 2006. The air was unmistakably tense. It was a mix of stress, anxiety, and the general excitement about the thought of ending a four-year experience in just a few weeks (yes, the academic schoolyear technically ended on February, and everything up until March was just extra non-academic stuff). Now, I find that I'm still in a state of panic. Sorry, change that to unrest. Mental unrest, to be more precise. Up there, it's a constant flurry of different emotions. If only it came with an off switch.

In spite of what must seem like a state of distress, I am actually quite happy. I guess confusion isn't enough to burst the happy bubble. I've still got quite a lot to be grateful for. =)